Exposing my shadows

I have been going back and forth to talk about this – being vulnerable. The immediate feeling I get is of being stripped naked publicly, even if its someone close to me. There’s a mini me inside my head screaming and running for life as if sharing my “flawed” self is going to be the death of me. And personally, it’s one of the scariest thing and hardly address it.

But today I am here to address the vulnerability issue regarding my work and the “public image”. After years of therapy, self work and transformations you would think that I don’t care what people think. No surprise there, I still care (cringe). But I am gonna do it anyways, no matter how stupid it might sound.

I am someone who has almost always doubted my own decisions. Wondering what do I REALLY want, going back and forth listening to others instead of my inner voice and end up feeling miserable. I know this sounds like a pity party but its really facing my demons and taking away its power. Those pesky little a**holes often took me for a pity ride and sometimes guilt drive.

And they still do sometimes only now they affect my work. Making me question my worthiness and capability of doing something I have loved. I have failed myself so many times. Gave up on myself, intuition and my ability to read cards. Imagine the guilt of leaving behind a masters degree to pursue my heart and then ending up questioning that very heart. Where do you go from here?

Basing my confidence on the money I make or number of clients I book has been the foolhardiest thing I have done, repeatedly. It sucks. But I am learning and unlearning what didn’t serve me.

The reason I am sharing this is to acknowledge that I cant be perfect and I cannot never fail and that does not measure my worth. It hasn’t been easy to accept this because of the societal conditionings I have been used to. But spilling my guts here makes me feel normal and human. And it feels soooooo good to bare part of me that I have looked as a weakness.

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